November 14th, 2011.
I cannot believe it has already been that long.
If someone had told me two years ago that this is where we would be today -- Wesson gone from Earth and an angel in the sky and a newborn baby brother in our home -- I would have probably thrown up.
Even today it's unbelievable. You just don't ever grow accustomed to the idea that your son has passed. Gone. Forever.
Until we meet again.
Since then I have become a part of a group of mothers on facebook. A special group of women who have all lost children to cancer.
We face problems and challenges that all mothers face with the additional difficulties of losing a child.
We work daily to fill the void in our life that just can't be filled.
We question ourselves.
We've had to make decisions that no parents should ever have to make.
And we live with those decisions now.
We've had to pick out what we should wear to our child's wake.
We've had to choose hospice or treatment.
We've had to pick out a headstone, a burial site, a funeral date.
We have to live with the idea that our child has passed before us. Way before their time, and much sooner than we would ever have wished.
We have to hold on to the hope that there is an afterlife and pray that we are good enough Christian human beings to get there someday.
We have to accept the fact that we are not in control of the fate of our children.
And we wonder.
Are we doing the absolute best that we can to honor our children?
How do we continue to remember and cherish them in the ways that they deserve - birthdays, Christmas, cancervisarys, special dates, etc.
We are spread thin with the demands of taking care of the responsibilities of our children that are still here, while trying to grieve for the one that is gone.
It's difficult and it hurts.
All the time.
Here I sit taking care of baby brother Harlan at 5 weeks old. Looking back two years ago Wesson was already sick at this age.
Barely born into life and already terminally ill.
Logan and I have become a part of the social atmosphere of real life cancer warriors. It seems there are more and more children diagnosed each day and my heart aches for the children and their families.
The pain that they endure is out of this world.
It is something I cannot even explain.
Our community recently lost another cancer warrior. Diagnosed only a year after Wesson.
It breaks my heart that this happened. A tragic loss of such a wonderful boy and an amazing faithful family.
This only fuels our fire to continue to help make a change.
Our foundation has been up and running for close to a year now, and for those of you who haven't heard we have raised over $50,000 and have fulfilled our first grant request from St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for the RELHEM protocol which is a phase 1 clinical trial that is considered "breakthrough" treatment for children like Wesson who have been diagnosed with relapsed or refractory leukemia.
This makes us very proud and we hope it makes Wesson proud as well. We will continue to strive toward funding research directly until there is a cure.
While Logan and I were traveling to Sioux Falls the day that Harlan was born, we talked about Wesson most of the way.
How could we not?
How we were blessed to have another child about to be born, how we've learned so much from our sweet Wesson and how thankful we are that he no longer suffers.
I can't imagine the parent I'd be today if Wesson hadn't been brought into our lives.
I am so thankful for what he has taught me and I know that Harlan and Keegan will benefit so much from all that their brother has given us in his short time here.
God takes care of us, and he gives us what we need.
And then he takes it away at it's own time.
It isn't ideal, it isn't in our plan but it will all make sense in time.
This we can be sure of.
And that fact gets me through each day.
On that note I want to remember Wesson and his difficult battle with cancer today and everyday. I want everyone to remember the sweet hero that he was and forever will be.
We are kindly asking for a $2 donation in honor of Wesson's 2 year cancerversary. All donations to the Wesson Littau Foundation are tax deductible. A small price to show love and remembrance of a tiny but tough superhero.
Since our website has not launched yet at this time, you can donate to our cause at the website below. It is safe and secure.